


Lost and Found

by KatB



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, BAFTA Awards, Confusion, Emotional Baggage, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fear, Lust, Multiple Orgasms, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-11-16 05:31:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11247309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatB/pseuds/KatB
Summary: Sometimes, one look is enough to tell you all you need to know about a person. Sometimes, one moment is all you need to change your life for the better. When fate brings Linda's paths together with those of actor Tom Hiddleston, she realises that they have far more in common than she always thought. Two lost souls seem to have found each other. But who is stronger, fate or fear?!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies,
> 
> this story was inspired by a single photograph of Tom taken at the 2017 BAFTAs. It has been spinning around in my head for quite some time now and I finally decided to put it in order and share it with you.
> 
> The pic of Tom as well as some additional visual inspiration can be found on the Pinterest board for this story:  
> https://www.pinterest.de/katbwritings/lost-and-found/
> 
> I'm looking forward to your comments!
> 
> Enjoy and stay naughty! ;-)
> 
> xx

Seizing the opportunity of another waiter carrying a tray filled with champagne glasses walking by, Linda reached out to grab a new glass of bubbly with one hand and placed the empty one on the tray with the other. She took a sip of champagne before focussing on scanning the room again. The award ceremony had been over for about an hour and everyone was in good spirit. Except for Linda herself. It was her first time attending a big red carpet event like that. Had it not been for her mother's stomach bug, she wouldn't be here at all. But her father, a well-known producer, had insisted on her joining him for the evening. It was nice to get out of the house, that she had to admit. But...this just wasn't her crowd. The showbiz had always appalled her to a certain extent. All everyone was focussed on were looks and success. A person's character didn't seem to matter at all in the industry. Casey Affleck's BAFTA win tonight just proved her point. Linda knew that simply from the looks of it, she totally fit in with everyone attending the party. She was tall and considered herself beautiful. Even her body was once again in a shape that would cause jealousy in many women. She knew that she looked stunning tonight in her yellow lace gown. Not only because practically everyone had told her, but because she felt very comfortable in her own skin. She always had and she was grateful for it. But to her, it didn't actually matter anymore. The events of the last year had shown her that beauty and looks were the least important things in life. Emptying her 6th glass of champagne of the night, her thoughts drifted off to Vincent, who was hopefully sound asleep by now, and she couldn't help but smile thinking about her little ray of sunshine. She took another look around the room, another look at the people she despised so much and suddenly realised something...she would do everything to protect her son from any of this. Her child would not grow up in a world of fame and parties and glamour. And drugs. No, especially not drugs. They had caused enough damage to her family already.

She could see her father slightly wave at her from across the room. The frown on his face told her that he disapproved of her refusal to mix with the crowd. But she simply smiled politely. He could be disappointed all he wanted. Nothing would convince her to enjoy this evening in any way. As soon as it was no longer impolite to make an early exit, she would be out of here. Until then, she planned on thoroughly enjoying the free champagne, even more so since she knew that Vincent would stay with her brother for the entire night. That way, it was totally acceptable to arrive at home drunk.

A bit bored of constantly looking at the same group of people, Linda decided to take a little walk through the crowd. She gracefully maneuvered herself past lots of people in ugly dresses and boring suits, always making sure nobody would step on the train of her dress. She greeted a few people here and there and made sure to always have a smile on her face. There were too many friends and colleagues of her father here to act like a brat. She knew that she couldn't damage his reputation in these circles. Eventually, Linda spotted another quiet corner that seemed appropriate as a hiding place. She armed herself with another glass of champagne and made her way over, hoping that nobody would disturb her there. She considered the new view a nice change and resumed her favourite activity of scanning and judging everyone that she laid eyes on.

Linda's eyes wandered across the room, but nothing was able to capture her attention for long. To her, it was all just the same superficial crap as always. And then she saw him. Tall, obviously handsome and leaning casually against a wall while sipping on his champagne. Linda knew enough about fashion to know that his tux was designed by Gucci. It only made sense, given that he was the face of their current collection. Of course she knew who he was. And she was certain, that there was nobody in the room who didn't. Which made the fact that he was standing there all by himself rather astounding. His short romance with Taylor Swift might have damaged his public image a little, but Linda knew and – oddly enough – agreed that Tom Hiddleston was still hot property. She had never met him in person, but she was sure that the down-to-earth gentleman was just an act and that he was probably just as shallow as everyone else here. And yet she couldn't help but admire his aura in this moment. He looked devastatingly handsome. She couldn't tell if it was black or navy, but his suit fit him like a glove and showed off his lean figure. His bow tie looked a little bit wonky to her but that might as well have been due to her being slightly tipsy. His hair was slicked back a little, his beard looked shorter than the last time she had seen a photograph of him and was nothing more than a bit of scruff now. He seemed to scan the room, just like she had done a few moments before. Linda tried to force herself to look away, but for some strange reason she couldn't. Her eyes were fixed on him and for a very brief moment, she was sure that she had never seen a man more handsome than he was tonight. So focussed, lost in thought and...sad. And suddenly she knew why it was impossible for her to stop looking at him. Without being able to put her finger on it, she had immediately noticed the certain sadness that lingered around him. The kind of sadness that Linda was sure she herself wore on occasion. Only when nobody was looking. But Tom's sadness didn't go unnoticed. She noticed. To her, he looked like a man who would rather be somewhere else in that moment. He looked like a man who was reminded of something by all the couples on the dancefloor. A man who would love to enjoy himself along with everyone else but had nobody to do it with. A man who was lonely. The realisation hit Linda like the impact of a car crash. In this particular moment, Tom Hiddleston looked as lonely as she felt. And without being able to help it, Linda felt empathy with a man she had never actually met. She tried to fight every bit of sympathy for him, but she felt her heart break on his behalf. Or wasn't it actually herself she felt sorry for?! As if on their own accord, her eyes wandered down his body and zoomed in on his large, elegant hands for a moment before returning to his face where they we're greeted by a pair of blue eyes looking back at her.

Linda and Tom looked at each other, both incapable of breaking the gaze. While a small smile appeared on the actor's face, Linda was full of shock. Her head was spinning and she breathed heavily. She could feel every single glass of champagne in her system and silently cursed herself for having this much to drink despite knowing that it didn't take much to get her hammered. This man, this stranger looked at her and it felt as if he was scanning her soul. But she was certainly not ready to reveal any of what was hidden there to him. Or was she?! A part of her was convinced that she would tell this man anything, if only he would ask for it. Linda felt herself getting weak in the knees. It took all her strength to break the connection between them. She flashed a shy smile at him and then gathered her gown and her clutch to head for the exit.

She needed air. She needed to think. The cold London air felt good on her face. After bringing a few meters between herself and the Royal Albert Hall, Linda finally stopped walking. She was grateful for the lamp post close by and leaned against it. What on earth had just happened? Why did this man have such an effect on her? She closed her eyes and tried to collect the mess of thoughts in her head. Suddenly, she felt the touch of a warm hand through the thin lace fabric of her sleeves, followed by an equally warm voice.

„Are you alright?“

Linda opened her eyes and once again found herself locked in Tom Hiddleston's gaze. „Did you follow me here?“, she asked confused.

„Yes“, he laughed nervously. „You looked a bit shaken in there and I just wanted to make sure you were alright.“

One half of her found his behaviour incredibly cute and charming. Her other half was annoyed by him pretending to care for her. After all, he didn't know her at all. So why would it matter to him if she was okay?! „I'm fine“, she snapped at him. Her harsh tone caused him to withdraw his hand from her arm. She immediately felt like something was missing and tried her best to repair the damage her comment might have done. „I just had a little bit too much to drink. It's embarrassing, but not the end of the world.“

„Do you want me to call you a cab?“, he asked, placing his hand on her arm again and making Linda shiver at the physical contact.

„No, it's fine. I am just going to walk. I don't live far from here.“

„Where do you live?“, Tom asked as if it was the most normal question to ask a person you've only just met.

„I have a house in Notting Hill“, Linda replied. She straight away wondered why she would provide this information to someone who was basically a total stranger. But at the same time, it didn't really feel like she had just made a mistake.

„There is no way I am going to let you walk to Notting Hill on your own in the middle of the night.“ Linda was sure to have heard a certain kind of concern in his voice. He offered her his arm and gave her a challenging look as if he knew that there was a war raging inside her. Eventually, Linda swallowed her pride and gladly accepted his arm. „Please, lead the way.“ And with that, they both walked off into the London night.

*****

About 15 minutes later, Linda and Tom walked past the Round Pond in front of Kensington Palace. So far, their walk had been completely silent. Linda still couldn't believe what was happening. Never in a million years did she expect the night to end this way. And she still didn't know what to think of him. All she knew was that his presence somehow calmed her and that the warmth of his body was oddly comforting.

„Thank you for doing this“, Linda finally broke the tension between them. „I still don't really know why you're doing it but I appreciate it.“

„Does a man need a reason to be a gentleman?“

„Certainly not. But accompanying a complete stranger on her walk through London in the middle of the night is not something I would even expect from a gentleman. It's not like you owe me anything.“

Tom laughed. „I know that, Linda.“

She stopped walking and forced him to stop as well, only to then let go of his arm. Linda tried to recall everything she had said to him tonight but she was sure that she didn't tell him her name. „How do you know my name?“, she asked with an accusing undertone, even though she wasn't entirely sure what she was accusing him of.

„You're Linda Hoffman, are you not? Frank Hoffman's daughter?“

„Yes. Yes, I am“, Linda replied rather surprised. Even more surprising than his words was the fact that Linda reached out to grab his arm again and incouraged him to continue walking. „How do you know that?“

„Well, I obviously know your father. He's a legend in his craft and I don't know a single actor or director who doesn't want to work with him. None of his movies have ever failed to be highly successful. And pretty much everyone in the industry knows about Frank's beautiful daughter. So when I saw you and him together earlier in the evening, I just put two and two together.“

Linda was glad that it was rather dark in the part and hoped that he wouldn't notice the flush on her face. Up until now, she had been able to tell herself that he was only walking her home because he was a nice person. His comment on her beauty now had her wonder if there might be anything more than that. Since she didn't really know how to answer, she opted for silence again as they resumed their nightly stroll through Kensington Gardens. The Diana Memorial Playground already came in sight when Linda decided to ask the one question that had been on her mind ever since she first laid eyes on him.

„Tom, can I ask you something?“

„Of course“, he replied but Linda sensed the slight concern over the nature of her question in his voice.

„Earlier at the party...you...you looked somehow sad leaning against that wall, almost lonely. And I'm having a hard time imagining that this could be true.“

„Why? Because I'm a hotshot actor and therefore not allowed to be sad and lonely?“ Linda knew that her words had somehow hurt him and immediately regretted saying anything.

„I'm sorry, that's not what I meant.“

„Oh, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like this. I believe that you are one of the people who might understand the way I feel at those parties.“

„What makes you say that?“, Linda asked and looked at him curiously.

„Because I saw you when you thought nobody was looking. And even when all eyes are on you and you smile, it never reaches your eyes. For some reason, you are dying inside and try everything to hide it from the entire world.“

Linda felt the lump in her throat and realised how painfully accurate his words were. Apart from one little detail. „You're wrong, I'm not dying on the inside“, she said. „I've died a long time ago. But events like that are perfect for hiding how you really feel. You just put on some nice clothes and, if you have boobs, a shitload of makeup and simply smile. Nobody is going to question it. All people there ever care about is champagne. So you smile and you drink and you dance and pray to all the gods you don't believe in that you can soon go back to being miserable.“

„So how come you didn't dance?“ Linda could feel his eyes on her but she resisted the urge to look at him.

„Who would I dance with?“, she sighed.

Tom stood still and took her hands into his. „I'm sure your father would've been proud to dance with you. Or...“ She felt his thumb quickly brush over her wedding ring. „...you just need to start bringing your husband to these events.“

Linda was unable to move as she stared down at the ring on her finger and felt a single tear rolling down her cheek. „He...he is dead.“

„What?“, Tom asked with disbelief.

„M-my husband...he...he died last year of an overdose.“

„Oh god...“Tom let out a sigh. „Linda, I am so sorry. I had no idea that he... Believe me, had I known, I would've never brought up the...“ Linda silenced him by putting her finger on his mouth.

„Shhhh! Don't say anything. Just...dance with me.“

After a moment of confusion, Tom simply smiled at her. Then pulled her against him in a close embrace and they swayed to abscent music right there in the middle of Kensington Gardens.

*****

It was long after midnight when they arrived at Linda's house. Halfway there, Tom had offered Linda his jacket because she kept shivering. So as they stood outside, trying to come up with a right way to end the evening, Linda could smell his cologne and it made her even dizzier than she already was. She truly had no idea what had happened in the last hour but she was more than sure that she didn't want him to leave.

„Thank you again, Tom. For everything“, she said as she peeled his jacket off her shoulders and handed it to him.

„You're welcome. Are you sure you're going to be alright now?“

„Sure. I always am.“ Linda laughed nervously while unlocking the door.

„A fighter“, he said and made sure it sounded like a statement. „Just promise me something... Promise me you won't accept that emptiness inside yourself. You need to find someone who can give you what you need.“ Tom looked right into her eyes now and it felt like he was also looking into the deepest corners of her soul.

„Yeah“, Linda sighed. „I guess I just need someone who can make me feel again. Feel anything. I just don't want to feel numb anymore, you know?“

„Yes, I do.“

„What about you? What do you need Tom?“

„I...I need someone to remind me that I'm not a failure. And I need someone I can make happy. No matter how brief that happiness might be. I need somebody to need me.“

And without knowing why she said them, Linda spoke the words that would seal the fate of their evening. „I need you.“

Just seconds later, Tom's mouth crashed down on hers. He kissed her passionately, one arm wrapped around her body, the other hand buried in her hair. Linda slightly moaned when his tongue demanded entrance. She parted her lips and moaned even louder when his skillful tongue began to explore her mouth. Her hands roamed over his body, desperate to touch his bare skin. He pulled away from her and they exchanged a quick look of silent agreement and then stumbled inside the house. Linda stormed upstairs and pushed open the door to her bedroom. Tom was immediately behind her and slammed the door shut once he was in the room. He threw his jacket in a corner and then turned around to look at her. When she began to push her dress down her shoulders and exposed her bare breasts, Tom quickly started undressing himself. Just a minute later, they were both completely naked. Linda could feel Tom's eyes on her and for the first time in ages she actually felt desired. The fact that his rather impressive manhood already stood at half-mast only contributed to that feeling. While looking at his naked form, Linda couldn't help but admit to herself that he was the definition of perfection. And she knew that perfection was about the get into bed with her. With two swift steps, he closed the distance between them and his mouth was back on hers. Linda knew that there was no way back now. So she pushed him down onto the bed. Then she crawled towards him and pressed her body against his. Suddenly, she felt a weird feeling in her stomach and broke the kiss.

„What is it? Is everything okay?“, he asked.

„Yes, it's just...“ Linda hestitated to tell him because she was afraid it might ruin the mood. „I'm scared. Because I haven't been with anyone since...since...“

„It's alright to be scared. It means you feel something.“ He kissed her gently and then rolled her on her back. He briefly caressed her breasts with on hand and then let it travel down over her stomach until Linda could feel it resting between her legs. „How about this, Linda? Can you feel this?“ With those words, he pressed his index finger down on her already swollen clit and began to trace little circles over it.

„Yes...“, she gasped. It had been more than a year since she had felt something like sexual desire and now it was like someone had released something inside her. Well, Tom had. Feeling his hand create magic between her legs felt simply breathtaking and Linda knew that she needed an orgasm. She needed that feeling of relief and relaxation in her body. „Can you make me come? Please, make me come“, she begged him.

Tom increased the rhythm at which he was rubbing her and his mouth found one of her nipples. He let his tongue dance over the little peak while he rubbed her frantically. Linda rolled his hips and pressed against his hand, desperate for even more friction. And then she could feel her insides stir. Her moans became even louder and suddenly her whole body began to shake and tremble. She screamed as she was pushed over the edge and then rested her forehead against Tom's body.

„Are you alright, darling?“, he asked.

„That...was...amazing“, Linda gasped. „Can you...can you do that again?“

„Feeling something isn't so bad, is it?!“ She giggled and shook her head. „Well, I think I can do you one better.“ With that, he pushed two fingers inside her still quivering pussy and drew a delicious moan from her. He slowly slid his fingers in and out of her and increased the speed as she began to roll her hips towards him. He knew that he was rubbing against her g-spot and her little whimpers turned him on even more. When he pressed his thumb down on her clit, Linda was almost immediately hit with another orgasm. She screamed even louder than before and ended up beinga trembling mess in his arms.

After catching her breath at least a little bit, Linda looked at him. „I need you inside me. I need to feel you. I need to...crap!“, she interrupted herself.

„What is it?“, Tom asked, his voice full of panic.

„I...I don't have any condoms. Oh god, I am so sorry. I...“ Now it was Tom interrupting her by sealing her lips with his finger.

„When did you last get tested?“

„I...um...about a year ago.“ She was completely surprised by his question. She knew that she was clean. After Liam's autopsy had revealed that he was HIV positive, Linda had gotten tested regularly until it was certain that he hadn't infected her. And she hadn't been with anyone since.

„So have you been with...“

„No“, she interrupted him.

„Six months for me. Nobody since then.“ Tom rolled her on her back again and positioned himself between her legs. „Do you trust me?“ Linda hesitated for a moment but then realised that she actually did trust him, despite not really knowing anything about him. So she nodded and only moments later, he thrust inside her and stretched her open with his huge cock. She gasped in surprise and wrapped her arms around him, fingernails digging into his flesh. And then he began to move. Linda knew that she wouldn't need much to be pushed over the edge again. Feeling him deep inside just felt too good and hearing him moan and groan in pleasure almost took away her sanity. „Oh Linda...you feel so amazing. Can you feel me rubbing against you on the inside? Can you feel my cock rubbing against your velvet walls?“ Of course she could, but hearing him say it made everything just so much more erotic. „I want you to remember this, Linda. Just like I want you to remember what it feels like when I come inside you. Remember what it feels like. Remember that you are capable of feeling. Remember that you are worthy of feeling. Remember that your body deserves to be pleasured.“ Her pussy began to quiver around him and she knew that it was time. She looked at him, hoping to detect any sign of whether he was close too. His face was buried in the crook of her neck so she couldn't see his eyes. But when she felt his thrust become more and more uneven, she knew that he was ready.

„Do it, Tom. Please. I need you to. I need you. I need you.“ And then they were both pushed over the edge together, both moaning loudly as they surrendered to their orgasms.

Tom took a moment to catch his breath before pulling out of her. He immediately wrapped her in his arms and held her close to him. Because she was still so out of breath and coming down from her orgasms, he didn't think it odd when she began trembling like a leaf. So he didn't notice that she had started crying silently. Linda wept in his arms as he held her close. But for the first time in 397 days, she didn't feel lonely or empty as she fell asleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About two months have passed since Linda's unexpected night with Tom. And even though the two haven't spoken since, she's incapable of forgetting what happened. But when Linda eventually decided to contact Tom, things don't go as planned at all.

It was mid-April and Linda enjoyed the mild warmth of spring as she watched Vincent crawl through the sand at her feet. This was his first spring and watching him discover the world through the eyes of a one-year-old always warmed her heart. He was a bundle of joy and Linda intended to keep it that way as long as possible. She knew that she couldn’t protect him forever, but if at all possible, she never wanted him to know pain the way that she did.

Her thoughts drifted off to him. Tom. She knew that she would never forget the look on his face when he found out about Vincent. It was like everything that had happened between them before that, the mindblowing sex, the hours of conversation had disappeared. He simply stormed out, without ever looking back. Linda tried to tell herself that he was fun for one night and that she should just get over it. But she also knew that she would never forget the way he made her feel by simply looking at her. She still didn’t really know what had happened between them on an emotional level. But there was definitely something. She closed her eyes for a second and remembered their little dance, right here in Kensington Gardens. It all had felt so right, so real. And suddenly, Linda knew what she had to do.

She took out her phone and speed dialed her father, who answered a few seconds later with a sleepy voice.

„Hello?!“ It hit Linda in that moment that he was currently in Los Angeles, where it was still the middle of the night.

„Oh daddy, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, but I totally forgot that you’re in LA.“

„Is everything alright, dear?“, he asked with concern in his voice.

„Yes, everything is fine. I just…could you do me a favour?“ She felt nervous about what she was about to ask him.

„Well, it depends on what it is. What do you need?“, her father asked, already sounding a bit more alert.

„If I asked you to find out someone’s phone number for me, could you do it? Through their agent or publicist or something?“

„Maybe, maybe not. I might be a producer, but I can’t just demand anyone’s number for no reason.“ He sounded calm and collected but Linda could tell how sceptical his tone was.

„Couldn’t you just pretend that you have a reason to call him? Pretend that you need to talk to him about a project or something? Please, daddy.“ Linda knew that this must have sounded ridiculous, but it was her last straw.

„Him? Okay, Linda, what is going on? Who do you want to call so desperately?“

„Tom Hiddleston“, she replied and felt herself blushing at the mention of his name.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. „I thought what people said about you and him were only rumours?!“

Linda felt lost for worst after his comment. „About…what? What are people saying about us?“

„That you and him left the BAFTAs together in February. Someone claimed to have seen you together.“ He paused again, waiting for his daughter to reply in any way. But she didn’t. „Linda, is this true? Did you and him…?“

„It was only one night!“, she interrupted him before he could say anything more.

„Darling, you know that I love you, but have you lost your mind?“ Linda could tell that her father was truly upset about her confession. „How did you fall for something you have despised all your life?“

„I don’t know“, she replied harshly. „I have absolutely no idea what this thing between us was. And frankly, I’m old enough to make my own decisions, so I don’t have to explain myself to my father.“

„You do if you’re asking him for help and to lie for you!“ His tone was now just as harsh as hers and deep down, Linda knew that he was right. „So…what do you want from him?“

She sighed. „Just…talk to him. He left before we could really address what happened between us. And I just can’t get it…him out of my head. That’s why I want to talk to him.“

„Are you sure you know what you’re doing?“, he asked, his tone a lot softer than before. „Because I know that you’re vulnerable after everything that happened. I understand that you must be lonely at times. And yes, he is a handsome fellow. But Linda, please be careful! I can’t worry any more about you than I already do.“

Linda swallowed back the tears in her eyes. „I know, daddy. I don’t even know what I hope will happen. But the unresolved situation is driving me insane. I just want to talk to him. Ever since Liam died, I’ve felt like I’m living a nightmare. But I didn’t when I was with him. He was able to make me forget about all of it for a while. So I’d be an idiot for not at least trying, don’t you think?“

„You’re right“, he sighed. „Listen, I can’t make any promises. But I will try to get you his number. Just promise me you'll be careful!“

„I promise, daddy. Thank you!“ After wishing each other a good day, they both hung up.

*****

Just as she closed the door as silently as possible after putting Vincent down in bed later that night, Linda could hear her phone chiming in the kitchen. She quickly made her way downstairs to check if it was a message from her father. When she opened the text and saw the phone number that was part of it, her heart skipped a beat. She knew that it was now or never. If she took the time to think about it, she'd never be brave enough to actually call him. So without hestitation, she entered Tom's number and dialed.

„Hello?“, he answered his phone just seconds later.

Hearing his voice made Linda weak in the knees. „H-hi...it's Linda. I don't know if you...“

„Hello Linda“, he interrupted her. She knew that he obviously remembered her but she couldn't tell if he was pleased about her calling or not.

„I'm sorry to ambush you like that. But I feel like we left things quite a bit...unfinished. So I was wondering if we could maybe talk sometime?“ Her heart was beating through her chest and she was almost scared of what his answer might be.

„Do you have time right now?“, Tom asked calmly.

Linda was completely taken by surprise. „I...um...yes. I just put Vincent to bed.“

„Give me 30 minutes, then I'll be there“, Tom said, still annoyingly calm for Linda's taste.

„Okay. Just...please don't ring the door bell. It will only wake Vincent. Text me when you're here.“

„I will“, he replied and hung up.

*****

Linda pulled her shirt – one that wasn't covered in peas and apple juice – over her head when she received Tom's text letting her know that he was outside. She once again stormed downstairs and opened the door. He looked devastatingly handsome as he smiled at her.

„Good evening, Linda.“

„Please...“ She gestured to invite him in. „You know the way...“

Without having to think, Tom made his way to the kitchen and laughed when he saw the two large cups of tea waiting on the counter.

„How do you know how I like it?“, he asked.

„Pfff...we live in times of Twitter and Tumblr. Finding out how you like your tea takes merely minutes.“ Linda tried to make it sound like a joke but as soon as the words were out, she realised that she sounded like a stalker. „I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that.“

„It's alright“, Tom replied and reached for the tea. „I was very surprised when you called.“

„A pleasant surprise, I hope?“ Linda reached for her tea as well.

„What do you want, Linda? Why did you call?“ He sat down and looked at her, his expression not giving away anything about what was going on the inside.

„Isn't that obvious?!“ Tom simply raised his eyebrows. „Tom, you ran out. Without giving us a chance to talk. We had...well, I don't know what we had. But whatever it was, it wasn't something that should end like that.“

„How should it end then? With you and me confessing our love for each other and living happily ever after? With me giving up my life and moving in with your son? Do you really think it's that simple?“

„Do you really think I'm that naive?“, Linda snapped back. „Tom, I'm not stupid. And I never asked you for any of that. All I want it talk. I don't know how you feel about what happened between us that night, but I know that I can't stop thinking about it. Not because of the sex or because I've fallen in love with you.“ Linda hoped her tone was convincing enough because she knew that the last part wasn't entirely true. „Hell, I didn't even like you. And I didn't want to know me. But you forced yourself into my life, remember? You followed me and you insisted on walking me home for no reason whatsoever.“

„So you think it was my plan all along to seduce you? Let me tell you...it wasn't. I just wanted to be nice. Call me oldfashioned, but I learned that a man never leaves a drunk woman on her own in the middle of the night.“ Linda was relieved that he finally showed some emotion in his voice. „Trust me, I didn't plan for any of that. Sure, you are a beautiful woman and I would lie that the thought didn't cross my mind as we walked through Kensington Gardens. But then you told me about your husband and I knew that this could only end one way. By me wishing you a good night and leaving. And then you went all 'I need you' on me and I just couldn't help it.“

„Oh, so now it's my fault?! Come. On.“ Linda got up and started pacing through the kitchen. „Don't pretend that anything happened against your will that night. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you.“

„Yes, I did“, he admitted. „But I still should've said no. You should've said no.“

„How on earth was I supposed to say no to you?“, Linda asked and looked directly into his eyes.

„Come on, Linda...“, he sighed. „A strong woman and mother like you should be beyond the charme and a handsome face.“

„Do you honestly believe that's the reason?! Do you really think I'm that shallow?“ Tom looked at her in surprise but didn't say anything. „I had to identify my husband after he was found dead in a brothel. Hours later, I was rushed to the hospital because I was in early labour. Another few hours later I got to look at my son in an incubator, wondering if his underdeveloped lungs would allow him to survive. All that happened over a period of 24 hours. And ever since then, I've been putting on a show. In front of my family I act like I have my shit together, despite everything that happened. I don't tell them that I still haven't cleaned out Liam's closet. I don't tell them that I only get through the day because I've been on antidepressants for months now. I know that they worry, but they believe I'm on top of it all. In front of my son I act like I am fearless and strong. Because that's what he needs me to be. So I make sure to never let him see my tears. In front of my friends I act like I am enjoying life again. I use Vincent as an excuse not to go out to any of them and I don't tell them that I only got back to my pre-birth weight because of a minor eating disorder. Nobody knows how I feel because I do my best to keep it from them...from the people who matter the most in my life. So you can imagine how much about myself I am willing to share with strangers.“ Tom inhaled as if he was about to say something but Linda cut him off. „That's right...nothing! Not. A Single. Thing. And then you come along...all dashing and handsome and take one look at me. And suddenly you know more about myself than I want to admit even to my family. You saw me, Tom. Even though I didn't even want you to. Because like I said, I didn't even like you when we met. I wasn't one of your lovestruck fangirls. You were just a guy and I was just a girl. And somewhere between Royal Albert Hall and the Diana Memorial Playground, you tore down the wall I had built around myself. And I let you. I let you in that night, in almost every way possible. And now I am doing it again. Without having to force myself but because I want to. Because you make it easy. So tell me, how do I walk away from that? Or rather...how do I just let you walk out of my life when you seem to understand me better than anyone else?“

Tom took a deep breath. „So essentially you are asking me for a happily ever after...“

„No!“, Linda interrupted him. „I'm asking you to talk to me. I'm asking you to tell me how you feel about what happened between us. And once I know that, we can take it from there.“

„Linda...“

„Look, it's obvious that we were both lonely that night. And I know that at least I had a little bit too much to drink. So maybe the sex was a mistake. Maybe we just both make the most out of the situation. Which means that – maybe – we could just be friends.“

„No we couldn't.“ Tom's voice was strong and determined. „Linda, I don't think we can ever be friends. Because ever since I arrived here, I've been thinking about what's underneath that sweater. I look at you and I hear everything you say. But at the same time, I want nothing more than to tear your clothes off and bend you over the counter.“

Linda felt herself blushing and pressed her thighs together. „Then why are you constantly fighting the idea that you and I could be something real?“

„Because we both come with baggage. A lot of baggage. Both of our lives are complicated enough as it is. We don't need any more drama or things to worry about. You're in a fragile state, Linda. It would be irresponsible of me to subject you and your son to the craziness that is constantly part of my life.“ Tom got up from his chair and made a step towards Linda to console her. As soon as he touched her arm, a shudder ran through her body and she pushed him away from her.

„You don't get to make that kind of decision for me“, she replied, trying to fight back tears.

„I have to. Because you're too emotional to do it. Besides...“ He paused and Linda could tell that he was searching for the right words to continue. „...I'm not available. I'm seeing something else.“

Linda's eyes shot up to meet his. „Were you with her when we...“

„No!“, Tom interrupted. „I've only been seeing her for a few weeks.“

Tears were now streaming down her face and the pain in her chest almost made it impossible for her to breathe. „W-what's her name?“ She knew that it was self-torture, but she needed to know.

„Emily. She's an Australian model. I met her through Chris and...“

„Is she good to you?“, Linda asked, ignoring his previous remark. Tom didn't quite know how to answer so he simply nodded. „Good. You deserve that.“

„Linda, I'm sorry. I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear. But trust me, it's the best for both of us.“ He once again tried to console Linda but she withdrew from his attempted embrace immediately.

„You...um...“ She wiped the tears from her face. „You should go.“

„Linda...“

„There is nothing left to say, Tom. You've declared it impossible to be friends and you're not available for more. So what is left to talk about?!“

„I'm sorry.“ Even though she tried to fight it, he pressed a kiss on her forehead before walking out of the kitchen. Seconds later, Linda heard the front door fall shut again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her whole body hurt and her legs felt like they were made out of jello. Simply giving into the urge, Linda slumped down on the kitchen floor and allowed herself to really cry – for the first time since her night with Tom, for the second time since Liam's funeral.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn in his relationship causes Tom to reunite with Linda and the two of them once again have to accept that they have more than just a few things in common.

Linda was just about to pick up the knife and start chopping the onion she had just peeled when she heard the door bell. Her attention immediately went to Vincent's room. It had taken her more than an hour to put him to sleep and now she was ready for him to start screaming any second. But the house remained silent, so Linda put down the knife and went to open the front door.

„Hi!“ She was greeted by Tom's smile and his velvet voice. Linda couldn't help but notice that he looked tired. His eyes were red, almost as if he'd been crying not too long ago.

„H-hi...“ She crossed her arms in front of her chest, mainly to hide the fact that she was wearing a white shirt with no bra underneath.

„I'm sorry to ambush you like that but...do you think we could talk? Or is this a bad time? Are you about to have dinner with Vincent?“ She could tell that he was nervous and she found it somehow endearing, even though part of her just wanted to shut the door in his face.

„He's already in bed. He has the flu and a fever. So sleep is the best thing for him now.“

„Maybe I should go then. Sorry to disturb you.“

„Tom... Come on in...“ Linda smiled at him and then simply turned around. He followed her to the kitchen where she was already back at cutting ingredients when he entered.

„Making dinner?“, he asked, even though it was kinda obvious.

„Macaroni and chicken casserole“, she said without looking up.

„I...is there anything I can help you with?“

„Ohhhh no... Nobody touches anything in my kitchen. You sit and let me do the rest.“ Tom did as he was told and silently watched her throw together the casserole in record speed. After putting the filled baking dish into the oven, Linda turned around. „So...what brings you here tonight?“ She deliberately didn't offer him anything to drink because she didn't want him to get too comfortable. As for now, she wasn't sure how long it would take her to throw him out on his ass.

„I...um...“ Tom cleared his throat. „This may sound strange, but I needed someone to talk to. And I didn't know anyone else I could turn to.“

Linda felt a certain worry rise in her chest. „Talk about what?“ She had to admit that he looked positively lost and shaken, so the least she could do for now was listen.

„I kicked Emily out of my house about two hours ago“, Tom said without looking at Linda.

„And that concerns be because...?“ She couldn't believe that he had the nerves to talk to her about his relationship issues.

„It doesn't. It's just...I caught her doing drugs. Cocaine, to be more exact.“ Linda's throat was immediately completely dry. Images of Liam's dead body rushed through her head and she had to do her best to focus on what Tom was saying. „She was in the living room when I walked in on her. But instead of hiding it, she invited me to join her. I...“ He took another deep breath. „She told me that she had been using it for years. So for months, for the entire time of our relationship, she lied to me. And I...I didn't know who else to talk to. Please don't take this the wrong way but...“ Tom was silenced when Linda's arms flew around his neck and pressed his body against hers. He hesitated for a moment and then returned to affection. The hug wasn't demanding or hopeful, it was simply an attempt to comfort him, Tom could tell. When Linda eventually pulled away from him, he looked directly into her eyes. „You're not mad at me for coming here?“

„Tom...“ She took a deep breath. „Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm glad you're trusting me with this. And I understand why you'd turn to me in this situation.“

„I didn't mean to be insensitive, but you might be the only person I know who knows what it feels like to...“ He didn't dare to finish his sentence.

„To lose someone you love to drugs?“

„Yes...“ Tom didn't dare to look at Linda and stared at the floor instead.

„Do you? Love her, I mean...“, Linda asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

Tom helplessly shrugged his shoulders. „I don't know. I care about her a lot. We've been together for almost five months now and I always thought that we were heading in a good direction. But I don't know if I'd call it love.“

„So you don't love her...“

„I didn't say that“, he tried to protest.

„Yes, you did. If it was love, you'd know. You'd feel it. Doesn't change the fact that the situation is rather fucked up.“ Tom couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words. „I'm just not really sure if I can help you...“

„Why not?“, he asked a bit disappointed.

Linda sighed. „It's not that I don't want to. But if I had known what to do, my husband might still be alive.“

„Did you know that he was taking drugs?“

„Yes“, she nodded. „Not from the very beginning. But after his first book was published, things changed. The publisher expected him to write something new but Liam was never satisfied with his work. He started working through the night and eventually almost stopped sleeping entirely. That's when I knew that something was wrong. By then, I was already pregnant, otherwise I would've done everything to prevent it from happening at that point. Dealing with a drug addict is complicated enough without a child on the way.“

„What did he take?“

„Crystal. At least that's what he started with. It allowed him to write for days and days without really needing sleep. Then he started smoking weed to bring himself down whenever he wanted to rest. These were the things that I knew off. But he died of an overdose of cocaine. I have no idea when he started using that as well. His autopsy also revealed traces of MDMA and Speed in his blood. So yeah, my husband was a fulltime drug addict.“

„I'm so sorry, Linda.“ He smiled at her and Linda was surprised by how easy it was to talk to him about these things. „What did you do once you found out?“

„I told him about the baby. He didn't know about the pregnancy at that point and I was stupid enough to believe that it would be enough for him to stop. He was over the moon and promised me to not take anything anymore. I so desperately wanted to believe him that I ignored all evidence of him still using, despite his promise.“

„But he did?“, Tom asked.

„Of course he did.“ Without asking Tom, Linda began to make them both a cup of tea. „I knew it the entire time, but I kept my mouth shut. Eventually, my family and our friends started to become suspicious. By the time I was through my second trimester, everybody knew. But I still defended him, telling people that it was just a phase.“

„Why would you defend him?“

Linda put down the cup of tea in front of him. „If your mother were to ask you right now if your girlfriend is a drug addict, would you tell her?“

„Of course not!“, Tom replied without hesitation.

Linda simply raised an eyebrow and Tom nodded as he understood her point. „We have a habit of trying to protect those that we care about. But protection isn't what they need in that situation. Everybody told me that, but I refused to listen. A month later, I got a call from the police, telling me that my husband had been found dead in a night club. In that moment, I realised that I had made a huge mistake. But by then, it was too late.“

„What do you mean when you say they don't need protection?!“ Tom seemed outraged by her words. „Of course they do! They're vulnerable. I mean...Emily needs my help right now, but I kicked her out. Now she is god knows where and I can't reach her because she left her phone at the house.“

„You instictively did the right thing...“

„How can you say that??“, Tom yelled.

„Hey...“ Linda reached out and placed her hand on his to calm him a little. „I understand that it's hard. But letting them hit rock bottom is the only thing you can do.“

„What? You mean I did the right thing by throwing her out? That's heartless!“ He tried to pull away his hand but Linda didn't let him.

„No, it isn't. It may seem like it, but it's the opposite. Because if you always go along with it and lie for her and maybe even start paying for her drug habit, she has no reason to change anything.“

„You mean I'm supposed to let her struggle even more instead of helping her?“ Tom was now trying to fight back tears and Linda could feel her heart break on his behalf.

„You are helping her by letting her struggle even more.“

„But how??“

„I don't know. And trust me, I know how hard it is because I never had the strength to do it. But now I know that it might have been the only thing that could've saved the man I loved. Tom...“ She placed her hand on his cheek and wiped away the tears that were now streaming down his face. „I'm not an expert on the matter. I can only tell you what I was told after Liam's death. Because people never got tired of telling me what I should've done. But you need to make your own experiences. So talk to someone other than me. A doctor, a counselor, anyone who is an expert on the matter. Ask them for advice. And then make a decision about how you want to deal with the threat to your relationship.“

„I'm not sure if I can do this on my own“, he said with a broken voice.

„Then don't do it on your own. Talk to someone who can help you through it. Talk to a friend.“

„Can I talk to you when the time comes?“ He looked directly into her eyes and Linda felt her heart stop for a second. She knew that it would be painful to have to listen to him trying to save his relationship with another woman. But she knew that it was better than not having him in her life at all.

„Of course you can.“ With that, she pulled him in for another hug. He held her close and silently wept on her shoulder. Eventually, Linda knew that she had to ask the question that had been on her mind all evening. „Tom?“, she asked without letting go of him. „When Emily offered you to join her...did you?“

Tom freed himself from her hug and looked into her eyes. „No, I did not.“ In that moment, Linda knew that he was telling the truth. She felt a wave of relief wash over herself, now that she knew that she wasn't about to lose another man to drugs. Before she had to explain to him, why she was close to tears now, she gave him another quick hug and then went over to the oven and took the casserole out.

When Tom just stared at her, she turned to him. „Don't just sit there, do something useful. Plates are in that cupboard over there.“ He still looked at her quite dumbstruck. „Don't look at me like that. You're staying for dinner.“

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When her son refers to Tom in a rather unexpected way, Linda is completely thrown off the waggon. But when she tries to talk to Tom about it and reveals her feelings for him once more, he doesn't react the way she hoped he would.

Tom opened Linda's front door and looked at the man standing outside.

„Hi...um...“ The handsome man looked positively lost. „I...I'm Louis, Linda's brother. She texted me an SOS, telling here to get here immediately. Is everything okay? Is there something wrong with Vincent?“ He looked at the toddler on Tom's arm.

Tom gently stroked Vincent's back and shook his head. „No, Vincent is alright. Well...he doesn't understand why his mother locked herself in the bathroom more than half an hour ago. And neither do I, to be honest.“

„Can I come in?“, Louis asked.

„Oh...yes! Sorry!“ Tom stepped aside and let Louis into the house before closing the door again. He felt weird welcoming people at her house like he belonged there.

„So...“, Louis continued as he took off his jacket and shoes. „She locked herself in the bathroom? Why?“

Tom shrugged his shoulders. „I honestly don't know. We were playing with Vincent in the garden and suddenly she ran inside and locked herself in. I tried talking to her through the door but she wouldn't answer. I don't know if it was anything I said or did and I really worry about her. I just want her to be alright. But for all I know, she could be dead in there.“ The thought of Linda's dead body brought a lump to his throat and he pressed Vincent against his chest a little bit more.

„Well...she did text me and asked me to come here. So let's not jump to conclusions. Why don't I go and talk to her?! See what she wants.“

„Please, be my guest. Anything that might help to get her out of there...“ Tom felt like a failure after being unable to accomplish that on his own.

„Are you alright staying with Vincent for a little bit longer?“, Louis asked. The actor replied with a nod, so he turned around and made his way upstairs. He carefully knocked on the bathroom door. „Sis, it's me. I'm here now. Please open the door.“ After a moment, he heard her unlock the door and slowly pulled it open. Linda's eyes were red and he knew that she had been crying. „Are you alright? Are you hurt?“, he asked, very worried about his sister.

„No, I'm not“, Linda replied. She pulled the door shut behind him and then turned around to her brother.

„Then what is going on? I nearly had a heart attack when I got your text. And then I find Tom Hiddleston babysitting your son. When on earth did you and he get together?“

„We're not!“, Linda protested. „We're not together.“ As she said it out loud, she could feel her eyes fill with tears again. „And please, Louis, you have to get him to leave. Please! Tell him to go. Because I can't go downstairs as long as he is here.“

„Did he hurt you?“, Louis asked and could feel anger rise inside him.

„What? No! He would never hurt me.“ Linda was baffled that her brother would even assume anything like that.

„Then what happened, Linda? Because honestly, I didn't even know that you knew him, let alone are somewhat friends with him. So now that he's here, watching Vincent like it's the most normal thing in the world, I do want to know what kind of connection you have with him.“

Linda sighed. „Remember when I went to the BAFTAs with dad in February?“ He nodded. „I met him there. We kinda had a moment and ended up sleeping together that night.“

„But I thought you weren't...“

„We're not!“, she protested again. „It was just one night until he disappeared. Anyway, I got in touch with him again and then some things happened and we've kinda been friends ever since. We've been spending quite a lot of time together in the past few weeks and he usually comes over for dinner after rehearsal. It's very comfortable and natural between us. And Vincent adores him. So today, we were playing in the garden. Well, they were playing and I was doing some planting and stuff. I watched them and they laughed and giggled. And then...“ Linda was almost afraid to say it out loud. „Louis, he called him 'daddy'.“

It took Louis a moment to realise what his sister had just said. But once it hit him, he understood the emotional state she was in. Without saying a word, he wrapped her in his arms and held her as she cried against his shoulder. Once again, he only wanted to take all the pain away from his little sister. Eventually, Linda pulled away from him and reached for another tissue.

„So...“ Louis didn't really know where to start. „You're friends. And you slept with him. But you're not together. Do you want to be with him?“

Linda hesitated and thought for a moment before answering. „I don't really know, to be honest. I really don't know what exactly I feel for him. But I do know that I enjoy his company and that, for the first time since Liam died, I feel...happy. Not all the time. But there are moments when I'm with him and Vincent where I just feel happy. And now my son seems to think that he's his father. And I really don't know how to cope with that.“

„Sis, I don't really know what to tell you here. Because I don't think that I really understand what you have with him. But I do know that you need to talk to him.“ Linda looked at her brother with big eyes and shook her head. „Yes, you do. Look, I might not know much about him, but from everything I ever read or saw, he seems like a very decent guy. I also know that he is currently downstairs, taking care of your son while you're having a moment. He doesn't have to do that. And Vincent...you're right, he likes him. I was almost a bit shocked to see how comfortable he was in the arms of a man who is a stranger to me. And I know that he's worried about you. I could hear it in his voice. He likes you, Linda, whether or not his feelings for you are what you want them to be. But he likes you. So you owe him an explanation.“ Linda wanted to protest, but deep down she knew that her brother was right. „Talk to him and tell him what's going on. I'm sure he'll understand.“

„But I'm scared...“, Linda almost whispered.

„Good! You lost your husband and had to endure unimaginable pain. And now it seems like both you and Vincent are ready to move on. It would be a miracle if you weren't scared. But it's not a bad thing. This could be something good. So go downstairs and talk to him. I will watch Vincent in the meantime.“

A few minutes later, both Linda and Tom sipped on a cup of tea while they could hear Vincent and Louis play in the garden.

„Linda, what happened earlier? Did I do anything to upset you?“, Tom asked and tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled away.

„You didn't. It's just...did you even notice it? That Vincent called you 'daddy'?“

Tom looked at her with big eyes. „I...I didn't.“ He tried to recall the situation in the garden, but that wasn't part of his memory. „Linda, I...“

„Okay, stop“, she interrupted him. „I know what you're going to say. You are going to tell me that you're sorry and that you don't want to make things more complicated for either me or my son. But let me say something first.“ Tom nodded. „After Liam died, I used to go for long walks through the neighbourhood with Vincent in his stroller. And I used to look at all the happy couples with their children, trying to come to terms with the fact that my son would never have that. I tortured myself to look at them until I was somehow able to accept the fact that my son would grow up without a father. Because back then, the pain over losing him was still so big that I couldn't imagine ever falling in love with another man again. And then you came along...“ She took a deep breath. „I'm not saying that I love you. But you make me happy, Tom. You make me believe that it could be possible for Vincent to have a family again one day. So when I cry because he called you 'daddy', it's not only because it hurts to think that Liam never got to hear his son say that. It's also because I desperately wish that you could be that for him and...“

„Linda!“, Tom stopped her. „We've been over this. I understand where you're coming from and it's rather flattering that you trust me that much. But you and I will never happen. Because it's not a good idea. We are both lost, Linda.“

„No, we're not. At least I'm not. Tom, you found me. Without me even wanting it.“

„Don't fool yourself into believing that you are no longer lost! You talk about moving on and finding happiness again, and yet you still tear up whenever you mention Liam's name. You still haven't managed to put away his clothes. You keep surringes in one of your kitchen drawers, so I am pretty sure that they belonged to him. You keep this as a reminder of what he did to you. But even though he did this to you and to your son, you still refuse to let him go. You still refuse to understand that maybe you're better off without him. You still wear your wedding ring, for fuck's sake!“

„Oh, and what about you?!“, Linda yelled back. „Do you understand yet that you're better off without Emily?! When we were out for a walk the other day, I saw the way you looked around. You're still looking for her. It's been weeks and she didn't try to get in touch once. But you still don't want to accept that she is gone.“

„You're right“, Tom replied calmly. „I am the idiot who cares for a drug addict.“

„More than you care about me?“, Linda asked, even though she immediately felt stupid for asking.

„When did this turn into a competition? Are you really that insecure?“

„Well, maybe I am. Maybe it's hard for me to compete with a fucking supermodel. Maybe I am afraid of losing you to another woman.“ She hated to admit that this was entirely true.

„Linda, I cannot be your saviour. Because I don't know how to save myself. And because you're not ready to be saved. Maybe you will get there one day. And whoever you will choose to be Vincent's father will be a very lucky man. But it can't be me. Because even if you feel like I found you, I still feel lost. My life is...I don't really know what it is. But I know that I don't have the strength and the courage to add you and your child to it.“

„So you're running away from it? From us?“ Linda could feel her heart racing.

„If that's what it takes for you to understand that we will never be more than just friends...“

She swallowed back her tears. „Okay, then be my friend. We've been friends during the past weeks, so lets keep doing that. But don't walk away from me. Please. I need you in my life.“ Unable to fight back the tears any longer, Linda just let them flow.

„The fact that you're standing here, begging me not to go tells me that this is already so much more than a friendship to you. And while I might not have thought about it before, I now realise that Vincent is caught in the middle of it as well. So me being around without being what the two of you apparently want me to be would be cruel. To you and to him. So yes, I'm walking away. I'm sorry.“ He quickly kissed Linda's forehead and then rushed out the door.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Linda is almost ready to accept the fact that Tom is completely out of reach for her, he shows up at her door step and has more than one interesting confession to make.

Linda zipped up her jacket a little bit more, never interrupting the constant train of thought she had been experiencing ever since she left the theatre. She still couldn’t really wrap her mind around what she had just seen on stage. And about the fact that he was that good. She knew that Tom was a talented actor, but the past three hours of him live in action had put everything she knew into perspective. He was a rare talent, she knew that now. A smile wandered over her face and she could feel the warmth spreading through her body as she thought about him. But just moments later, she had to admit to herself that the pain in her chest was still there.

It had been several weeks since he walked away from her. And while Linda did her best to keep it together, it still hurt. She missed him all the time and was more than once tempted to pick up the phone and call him. But she knew that it wouldn’t make any difference. So she tried to accept her fate of having to admire him from afar. So while she walked through the London night, she attempted to recall every single details about him…his smile, his tears, his scent, his soft and yet powerful voice, his tall and lean figure…

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice the person standing in front of her house until she almost reached it.

„Hello Linda“, Tom said and smiled at her.

Linda was completely lost for words. „I…this…um…what are you doing here?!“

„You didn’t tell me. You came to see the play tonight and you didn’t tell me. I didn’t even know you had tickets. Why, Linda? Why didn’t you let me know that you were coming?“

She sighed. „Because you told me that you would do everything to no longer be a part of my life. You walked away. So I thought you wouldn’t want me there. Hang on…how did you know I was there?“

„Linda, the audience practically sits on stage with us. So even though you sat in the third row, I saw you. I’d recognise your eyes anywhere.“ He paused for a moment. „It means a lot to me that you were there.“

Linda silently cursed him for saying things like that. She knew that it would all be a lot easier if he behaved like a selfish asshole. She hated him for being so kind and charming. But at the same time, his words made her heart burst out of her chest.

„Would you like to come in?“, she asked with a shaky voice.

Tom nodded and then followed her into the house. Linda hung up her coat and went straight tot he kitchen. He was always close behind her.

„Tea or wine?“, she turned around and asked.

„Wine.“

„Red or white?“

Tom shrugged his shoulders. „Whatever you’re having.“

She opened the fridge and reached for a bottle of white wine. Before she could reach for the drawer that contained the opener, she felt Tom standing right behind her. The warmth of his body made her shudder a little bit.

„Allow me…“ He took the bottle from her hands and opened the drawer. Linda was still frozen on the spot. „It’s okay, I got this“, Tom said, his mouth entirely too close to Linda’s ear for her taste.

Eventually being able to move, Linda crossed the kitchen and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet. She then made her way to the living room where Tom joined her a moment later. He poured them both a glass of wine and then made himself comfortable on the couch.

„To Hamlet“, Linda said and raised her glass.

Tom smiled. „To Hamlet!“

In the following moment of silence, Linda tried to collect her thoughts. She knew that she was happy to have him next to her again, but she also couldn’t help being confused. So she knew she had to ask him.

„Why are you here, Tom?“

„Why? Do you want me to go?“, he asked and Linda could here the worry in his voice.

„Of course not“, she protested. „It’s just…a surprise. I thought you were done with me. I honestly didn’t really expect to ever see you again.“

„Except for tonight on stage, apparently“, he joked.

Linda giggled. „Yes, apart from that.“

„I didn’t even know you had tickets.“ Tom refilled his wine glass that he had already emptied in record speed. „Or that you were interested in seeing it.“

„How could I not be?“ Linda looked directly into his eyes. „It’s you. So of course I am interested. I entered the ballot back when we were still…friends. I didn’t really think I had a chance, but I thought it might be a nice to just be there and surprise you. After you told me you never wanted to see me again, I wondered if I should go. But…I missed you. So at least this was something…“

Tom downed his glass at once, refilled it and emptied it again. „I missed you too.“

They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before Linda couldn’t take it any longer and made an attempt to defuse the tention.

„But seriously, why are you here? You had your last show of the entire run tonight. I’m sure that there’s a huge party for the cast and crew going on and that’s something that you definitely shouldn’t miss. So really, you should go.“

Tom was still completely focussed on her. „I’m exactly where I need to be.“ He reached for her hand and gently carressed it with his fingers.

„Damn it, Tom!“, Linda almost yelled and tried to pull back her hand. But Tom’s grip on her was strong and almost possessive. „Why do you say things like that?“

„Because it’s true. Trust me, I am not trying to confuse you. I meant what I said last time. I was ready to walk away because it was the best for both of us. Because I really thought that you and I could never be a thing. I believed that with all my heart. Until tonight. Linda, I noticed you right in the middle of the third act and almost forgot my lines in that moment. I thought you would never want to speak to me again, so seeing you there was more than just a surprise. I saw you and all I really wanted to do was walk over to you and wrap you in my arms.“

„Tom…“, Linda tried to interrupt him because she knew that his words would leave her more confused than ever.

„Please, let me finish.“ He cleared his throat. „You were right all along. Of course there is something between us. And of course it is more than just friendship. I don’t really know what and I don’t know what to do with my feelings for you. Because I stand by the fact that we both have to much individual baggage to allow this to become a thing. But of course I like you.“ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. „And I want you.“

Linda’s heart almost skipped a beat. She looked at him and didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted rip his clothes off, but part of her also knew that this could turn into a huge mistake.

„So what do we do?“, Tom asked.

„What do you want to do?“, Linda asked in return, not knowing just how clear his answer would be.

He let go of her hand and grabbed her hips instead, pulling her closer towards him. He leaned forward and started to brush soft kisses against Linda’s neck. She closed her eyes and could hear his heavy breathing. It was enough to break the last tiny bit of resistance inside her. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her hands in his hair. She pulled him away from her to look into his eyes. Linda noticed his dilated pupils and in that moment she knew that he wasn’t playing her. She knew that he really wanted her. Linda ran her fingers through his unruly hair and then leaned forward to kiss him. A desperate little moan escaped his mouth as their lips finally touched again. And then there was no holding back.

Tom pulled Linda’s body against his, enveloping her in his arms. His hands roamed across her body, setting every inch of her on fire. All of it felt so good and so right that Linda didn’t even remember how she survived his presence for so long without touching and kissing him. She didn’t know if it was love, but she knew that she needed Tom in her life to be happy. Suddenly, she was ripped out of her thoughts by his hands on her breasts. He only cupped them gently, but it was enough to raise her nipples into little peaks that were now pressing against his palms. Tom smiled at her brushed his thumbs over her now rock hard nipples, drawing the sweetest moan from her. Without a warning, he ripped open her blouse, causing the buttons to fly through the air. He hastily pushed it off her shoulders and unhooked her bra. He needed access to her body. As soon as her breasts were free, Tom’s mouth found her nipples. He let his tongue carress them and play with them and he enjoyed watching Linda squirm under his touch.

„Oh god…“, she moaned and began to grind her hips against his. She needed some kind of friction because the ache between her legs got too hard to ignore. Linda could feel his growing erection and it turned her on even more. She reached for his sweater and quickly pulled it over his head. Trying to rid him of his clothes as soon as possible, Linda attempted to open his belt as well.

„Wait, wait, wait…“ Tom plucked her hands away from him and sat back a little. Then he took her face into his hands and looked at her. „Are you sure you want this?“

Linda held his eye contact for a moment before pulling away. She slowly unbuttoned her own pants and then took them off in the same pace. After throwing them aside, she slipped one hand into her panties and touched her already drenched pussy. She coated her fingers in her juices and then brought them towards Tom’s mouth. He looked at her with lust in his eyes but she could tell that he was holding back.

„Go on, taste how much I want this. How much I want you…“, she teased him.

He slowly parted his lips and allowed Linda to push her fingers inside his mouth. His warm tongue danced over them and he couldn’t help but growl as he tasted her. He pushed her on her back and yanked off her panties in one swift move. Linda parted her legs as wide as she could and Tom gladly accepted the invitation. He buried his face in her most private parts, lapping up the juices of her arousal. His beard was already slightly tickling her clit and Linda knew that it wouldn’t take much for her to come apart.

„Please, make me come“, she begged him out of breath.

Linda could feel the smile on his face before his tongue started to fly over her little pearl. Every single one of her nerve endings was set on fire and she could feel an orgasm rushing towards her. Thankful that Vincent was with her brother again, she moaned out loud and let out all the lust and desire that had built up inside her. She buried her fingers in Tom’s hair once more and held him right where she wanted and needed him. And then she could feel it. Her legs began to tremble as her climax caught up with her. Linda tried to move away from Tom to ease the sensation, but he wouldn’t let her. His tongue was dancing over her nub in a relentless rhythm causing her to be taken over by a screaming orgasm, riding it out on his face.

The world was dead to Linda for a moment as she tried to regain control of her body. She looked at Tom, who kneeled between her still shaking legs and his beauty and elegance almost left her breathless. She knew she needed him, all of him. As if he was able to read her thoughts, he got off the couch and quickly rid himself of his remaining clothes. Linda looked at his perfect, naked body in front of her and shivered in anticipation. She remembered very well what if felt like to have him inside her and she couldn’t wait for him to fill her up with his large penis.

„Do you…do you have condoms?“, Tom asked a bit out of breath.

„I…no.“ Linda couldn’t believe that could get in the way of her being with him.

„Damn“, Tom sighed and let himself fall on the couch. He leaned back an buried his face in his hands. „I’m sorry, Linda. I didn’t plan for this so I didn’t really come prepared.“

Linda simply smiled at him. „Was Emily the only woman you slept with since the last time we…“

„Yes, she was“, he replied before she could even finish her sentence. „And we were always protected.“

Her smiled widened because the fact that she had felt him bare, while his girlfriend for several months hadn’t, made her strangely happy. „Well then…“ She wrapped her hand around his shaft and stroked him slowly. Tom looked at her with pain in his eyes and Linda could tell that he was desperate to be inside her. So she swung her leg across his lap to straddle him. And before he could say something, she sank down on his hard cock. Tom’s moan was a mixture of surprise and pleasure. But then his expression became more serious. Linda kissed him softly and then smiled again. „Relax. You must know that I would never harm you. There hasn’t been anyone else but you.“

„You haven’t…“ Tom sounded surprised.

„I am a single mother and widow. Trust me, I don’t very often get the chance to sleep around. But even if I did…I wouldn’t have wanted to. I was to busy pining over you to look at other men.“

„Is that so?“, he replied with a smirk.

Linda nodded and then kissed him once more. „And now please take me. Fuck me. I need you to. Please.“ He grabbed her hips and lifted her up a little bit, only to slam himself back up inside her. „Holy fuck!“

Tom grabbed a fist full of Linda’s hair and pulled her head back a little. At the same time, be started moving inside her in a fast and steady rhythm. „You don’t even know how much I missed being inside you. You are so tight and warm and wet. Everytime I sat across from you, I thought about how you felt and how you tasted. Oh Linda…“ He lifted up one of her breasts to take the nipple into his mouth and suckle on it.

Linda rolled her hips to meet his rhythm. She could feel every bump and vein on his cock and she knew that no other man could ever measure up to him. Both literally and in the way he made her feel. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He moaned into her mouth and it turned Linda on even more. She could feel her pussy tightening, resulting in Tom moaning even louder.

„God, you are going to make me come if you do this“, he gasped.

„That’s okay.“

„No“, he moaned, almost incapable of speech now. „I need you with me.“

Linda picked up the pace in which she was riding him. „Go on…do it. Just do it. Come deep inside me.“ Tom buried his face on her neck, kissing and licking every inch of her skin. His moans grew louder and louder, as did Linda’s. She knew that she wasn’t too far from another orgasm as well. And then, in a moment of complete lust and honesty, she said the words that had been on her mind ever since Tom had walked out of her house a few weeks ago. „I love you.“ His orgasm was set off in that very moment and to assure she would find her release as well, Tom quickly pinched her clit with his fingers. Linda surrendered to her climax and came with Tom’s name on her lips.

After a moment of catching his breath, Tom pulled Linda’s body close to his and collapsed on the couch. Linda smiled because she could imagine how exhausted he was after this and three hours of Shakespeare. „Do you want to get some sleep?“, she asked him.

Tom kissed her neck and then looked at her. „Darling, I am not nearly done with you. Given that you didn’t go to check on Vincent, I take it that he isn’t here tonight. Which means I can take you as often as I want to, all over the house. And that is exactly what I plan on doing with you.“

„Yes, please“, Linda sighed and settled down against his chest.

„Alright, just let me catch my breath.“ He kissed her forehead and then wrapped his arms around her.

Linda enjoyed the warmth of his body and the sound of his heartbeat. She was very well aware that he didn’t say it back. She told him she loved him and he hadn’t said it back. She knew that. She also knew that once the adrenaline of the show and the alcohol were out of his system, his doubts and insecurities would kick in. She knew that in the morning, he would run from her again. But she also knew that she didn’t care. Right in this moment, everything was alright and just the way it should be.


End file.
